Running Away from God

God woke me up this morning at 3:30 am. I confidently attest that it was Him who awoke me because I know that He speaks to me through restlessness. There are few things that irk me more than not being able to sleep yet I know that He uses sleepless nights to get my undivided attention.

Even after I know what God wants from me (my undivided attention), I am not always willing to give it to Him. I choose to avoid Him for several reasons. One, spending time in His presence takes work. It's not as easy as closing my eyes and reciting a prayer. No, I must resolve to invest time with Him. Communication is a two way street and it's not about how much talking I can do, but how willing I am to listen. Secondly, spending time with Him changes me. If you've ever had a bad habit, you will know how hard they are to break. Psychologists call the incapability to change resistance. We resist change because we are comfortable with our routines. It is easier to revert to old habits than begin to form new ones. However, when I grant Him the access, when I welcome Him, He will never leave me the same. He will pull and stretch me until He has transformed me into that woman He intends for me to be. Lastly, I flee from Him because I think I can do it on my own. Getting down on my knees and surrendering completely is in a sense reminiscent of waving a white flag in defeat. However, if Paul could admit it then so can I, "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:10).

Likewise, Jonah reached a point in his life in which he realized he could no longer run away from God. He recognized that God would go through any lengths to get his attention and He did sending a big fish to swallow him whole. At that very moment, there was no denying the facts, God not only wanted his attention but He had it. Today, like God had Jonah's attention, God has mine.

Friendly Competition

Photo credit: Roger Arguello

These past five months as I've embraced the world of CrossFit I've consumed a hearty helping of "friendly competition". I have also learned a few things about the sport of competing. First off, competition can indeed be good. If used at the right time and in the right way, it has the power to propel us as athletes to reach heights we thought were insurmountable. With a little determination and perseverance we can accomplish almost anything we set out to do. However, the downside is that, as with everything in life, extremes can be dangerous. There is a time and a place for competition. Competition is necessary when titles are involved such as in the NBA play-offs yet they should not be carried over from the sports world into real life.

My eyes were opened to a stark reality this past weekend. At the Women's Masquerade Night, our pastor's wife shared with us the importance of recognizing that we are not here to compete with one another but rather to complement each other. We minister to those that we come into contact with on a daily basis and when we're busy trying to measure who has the cutest outfit or whose kids are better behaved, we render ourselves 100% ineffective. Insecurities are what cause us to become competitive. We feel like we've got something to prove and we base our security entirely on the outcome of our performance, appearance, intelligence, and _______ (you fill in the blank). If we are to be successful in God's eyes, than the focus must shift from ourselves to others. This is the Christ-like attitude we must seek to emulate. The one that says, "If I come in second, it doesn't matter. I care more about you than I care about winning."

If Only _____

Not once, but twice this week alone I have felt God reaching out to me through others. He was saying to me, "Indy, stop thinking if only ____ and enjoy today." Indy, didn't you already learn that? Hasn't this journey through barrenness taught you to be content with what you have and stop longing for what is to come? Well, the truth is that I thought I had learned that lesson but God thought otherwise.

I'm a dreamer. I dream about where I will be a year from today, in five years and even ten years down the road. I dream of some day becoming a mother, raising my family in Brazil, vacationing to Italy, pursuing a degree in biblical counseling, completing a missions trip, adopting a child, writing a book, and on and on my list goes. Some dreams have been there since childhood, others God has slowly placed in my heart through my experiences in life. Regardless of the dream, one thing is certain, I must enjoy the stage of life God has put me in today. Then and only then will I be able to truly appreciate wherever God puts me tomorrow whether He fulfills those dreams or not. My life is in His hands and God will do as He pleases. All I can do is choose to respond the right way.

“But he knows where I am going. And when he tests me, I will come out as pure as gold. For I have stayed on God’s paths; I have followed his ways and not turned aside. I have not departed from his commands, but have treasured his words more than daily food. But once he has made his decision, who can change his mind? Whatever he wants to do, he does. So he will do to me whatever he has planned. He controls my destiny."

-Job 23:10-14

A Christmas Virtue: Receiving a Gift

Did you know that receiving a gift is in itself a gift that we give to our gift giver? I know it sounds complicated but take a second to read that statement over. Simply put, the way we embrace the gift someone has given us is a gift that we are able to give the giver as they enjoy our smile, our sincere expression of joy, and our words of gratitude.

I am proud to say that this year I graciously accepted every single gift I received with love and thankfulness. It wasn't always this way. However this year I did things a little differently and made a concerted effort to thank the gift giver and enjoy the thoughtfulness whether I liked the gift or not. What helped me was the prompting I received from the Holy Spirit to pray before opening my gifts. This enabled me to be thankful for everything I received simply because someone took the time to think of me, spend their time at a store, invest their energy wrapping a gift for me, and selflessly share with me a portion of their resources that perhaps they could've used on themselves. That sounds like more than enough to give thanks.

My gifts this year were all amazing. I thank God for the generosity my mom demonstrates year after year in that her joy comes from giving to us. I hope to someday be that kind of a giver. My husband also gave me some pretty wonderful presents. However my favorite gift was not an actual gift at all. Instead it was how he listened to my cues and went for the things that I really wanted like the work-out attire he carefully picked out for me and the time he spent in finding gifts that he knew would be just right for me.

On a scale of 1 - 10 how do you fair you did in receiving your gifts? Maybe there was a major disappointment, maybe someone lost a job this year and was not able to financially give you what they would've liked or perhaps you feel like what they got it all wrong and gave you a gift that doesn't suit you. May I suggest that you thank them publicly and when the time is right consider speaking to them privately to reach a resolution. However keep in mind that the most important thing is not that we receive everything that was on our wish list this year but rather that we were able to make those that took their time and invested in us feel like it was well worth it. It's not so much about the actual gift as it is about the attitude of our heart that makes all the difference.

Here I am receiving one of the gifts my husband lovingly picked out for me.

My husband's smile after receiving his new guitar pedal from his Secret Santa, Vito.

Here is one of my favorite expressions this Christmas: the face of shock Danielle had when she unwrapped her new camera.

Once reality set in, she couldn't help but cry tears of joy.

Here is our new photographer enjoying her new gift.

Wishing you and your loved ones a Merry Christmas from our family to yours.

All I Want for Christmas

How many of us can say that we have everything we want for Christmas? Probably a handful of people and I guarantee that they are in the minority. Unfortunately with Christmas come the long wish lists and endless opportunities to fill the void with anything we can get our hands on. The only problem is that those material things bring temporary joy that will surely dissipate before the credit card statement is paid off.

The truth of the matter is that we live and are part of one of the most consumer driven, materialistic societies with an unquenchable desire for more. Have you ever sat down and wondered what God thinks of us running around the time formerly known as Christmastime from store to store in search of the perfect gift? Is he pleased when the one day we should be commemorating the greatest gift we could have ever received, Jesus Christ, is marginalized into an unoffensive greeting at the checkout counter, "Happy Holidays."

I can pretty confidently say that he thinks we've missed the target. Rather than focusing on the precious gift of eternal life we have in Christ, we are running around in search of something to fill our insatiable hunger for the ugly four letter word: MORE. I want more clothes, I want more gadgets, I want more _____ (you fill in the blank).

I am embarrassed to admit that I am no different from everyone else. I too, get impatient waiting in long lines, am terribly irritated by the traffic Christmas brings to Miami and am appalled at how short our attention span has dwindled away and rather than enjoy God's greatest gift we are restlessly looking for more. With our actions, I too say, "It's not enough. I want more."

This Christmas I want to be able to truly reflect on the greatest gift I received almost 10 years ago, the gift of salvation. I want my heart to break for those who are literally perishing and share the good news with them. I want the Lord to invade every part of my life until I am burdened to live an unselfishly devoted life to Christ by serving others rather than looking for others to serve me. After all the greatest man to ever walk this earth did not make a majestic entrance, he was born in a manger and came to serve. May His life serve as an example to all of us today.

Dear God,

Forgive me for the many times that I have made Christmas about me when it's all about you. Show me how I can share your perfect gift with others. Maybe it's with a smile, a hug or maybe there is something that I can willingly give up for another family. Lord, it is truly my desire to honor you with my life but it is so easy to get distracted and consumed with the things of this world. May I feel a huge dissatisfaction with anything this world has to offer. May my heart, soul, and mind shout in expectant adoration, "Give me more of You. You are all I want."

In Jesus' name,

AMEN

You can read about the birth of Jesus here.

"You've Got Something Stuck Between Your Teeth."

If this phrase, "You've got something stuck between your teeth" sounds familiar to you then you know all too well how embarrassing it can be when someone tells you that you've been talking to others and no one has told you that all along you had been making a fool of yourself. However if we are to consider who the people that tell us such things are, most of the time we will find that it is those that care too much for us to allow us to continue to look like a fool.

Recently this happened with me and a friend. As it turns out, I felt that there were some areas in which we were not being upfront and completely honest with each other. We avoided the issue at hand and began to make assumptions about how the other felt. Rather than approaching her with love and maturity to work out the issue, my pride got in the way and I allowed it to sit there day after day, week after week and sadly month after month. It eventually hindered the close friendship we once shared and threatened to destroy other relationships as well.

In my arrogance, I thought I knew exactly what was bothering her. I thought for sure that there was something wrong with her. To my surprise, she confronted me as best as she knew how about some changes she had noticed in me. I cautiously listened not only to her words but to her tone and the motive behind what she was sharing. I admit that initially, I was reluctant to see some of the areas that needed to be changed in me. I subtly tried to justify in my mind why her perspective of me could have changed so drastically. However I quickly realized that at that very moment I had a choice to make. I could choose to continue making excuses for myself or take it with a grain of salt and grow from it. Although it felt as if she was picking at my scab and I was afraid of the scar it could potentially leave behind, I knew the band-aid needed to come off. My wound needed to heal.

Today I am able to look back at that conversation we had over a nice, hot cup of coffee and an iced green tea lemonade and see how beneficial it was for us to talk candidly with each other. I appreciate her honesty with me and although it may have stung a bit, it has helped me to learn and grow from it. After we had that conversation, I have seen how it has strengthened our relationship because I chose to make necessary changes. I now understand why Solomon wrote these words in Proverbs 27:6, "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses."

I am thanking God for the life of my friend who loved me enough to share the truth even though she knew it could hurt me. I pray that others would always feel free to be themselves and not feel like they have to walk on eggshells around me as to not to hurt my feelings. It may take me a lifetime to learn how to do this but with God's help it's possible.

Romance: It's Not a Comedy Part I

My husband preached a powerful message this weekend on dating. It was the first in a series of three titled "Romance: It's not a comedy". What does dating have to do with anything? Aren't you married Indy? How could this possibly apply to you? Well, I'll tell you something, I don't know how but it had EVERYTHING to do with me and where I am in life right now. As I have shared with you in the past, my husband and I are walking the journey of infertility right now. For the past 2 and a half years we have "tried" to start our own family but for whatever reason God has asked us to wait.

Waiting is not a new concept though, God actually asked Adam in Genesis 2:18-22 to wait. God knew Adam had a need for a companion yet he chose not to fulfill his need immediately. The bible says that no "suitable helper" was found for him. However, rather than have him sit around until his wife came along, God wanted him to get to business. He gave him a mission which was to name the animals. Pretty funny when you think about it now, huh? Doesn't seem like a very difficult task, does it? No doubt, God was perfectly capable of doing it on His own but then why would he choose to give the task to Adam? Perhaps he wanted to see if Adam was going to be faithful or maybe God just wanted to keep him busy while he waited. The truth is I don't know; only God knows why he does what He does. If I were to understand everything he did than I wouldn't need God. (I stole this from my hubby. Thanks, Luki!)

When I think about my own life, I realize God has placed a very real desire in my heart. That desire is none other than to be a mother. However He has also asked me to be faithful to Him. Like my husband said, "Could you imagine if Adam decided to take matters into his own hands and try to meet his own need? He might have settled for marrying an animal." I don't know about you but I certainly don't want to get ahead of God and settle for anything less than His best. I know (although I may not always feel it) that what He has in store for me is the best.

Can you relate? Have you been waiting on God to answer your prayer? Be encouraged my friend, remember that He knows your needs, he hasn't forgotten you and he will meet all of your needs.

Point Them to Christ

Just when you think you've got it all figured out, God throws a curve ball your way. Monday night I had a rough time staying asleep; God woke me up at 3:30 am. There is no doubt in my mind that it was Him calling out to me in an attempt to have my undivided attention.

So what's been on my mind lately is sin. Not necessarily my sin but just sin in general. That stuff which we do that hurts God. Those things that as hard as we try to break free seem to have a hold on us. Whether it is in our thought process or actions, it is there. No one is exempt from it. It is simply a part of the depraved human condition. Blame it on Adam, blame it on Eve, it doesn't matter who you blame it on, we are all guilty of it and will not begin to change until we can recognize it.

As we grow in our relationship with Christ, subtle things which may not have bothered us in the past begin to irk us. For me, there was actually something that upset me (righteous indignation), it made me restless and broke my heart. However there is a huge difference when we are disgusted by our own sin and that of others. It's easy to fall into the self-righteous trap. How could _____ do such a thing? Don't they see how wrong that is? When will they change? We can become impatient and want to stop hanging out with those whom do not see eye to eye with us. However that is in direct contrast to what Jesus did and desires that we as Christians do. After all, wasn't he the one hanging out with the tax collectors and the nonbelievers? When everyone was pointing fingers at the adulteress woman, didn't he tell her, "Go and sin no more." (See John 8:1-11)

But why is it that it is so hard for us to be like Christ? Patient, loving, kind, gentle, and forgiving. I don't know why we so easily forget where we ourselves came from. When I look back at my life B.C. (before Christ), I literally want to shout with joy what David penned in Psalm 40:2, "he rescued me from the miry clay and set my feet upon the rock".

I was speaking to my mother-in-law whom is a very godly woman that I deeply admire and as she listened to me via Skype chat (unfortunately the distance prevents us from seeing each other in person) she shared some insights with me. She helped me see that at times, we try to do the job of the Holy Spirit and that does more harm than good. The bottom line is that we are called to be loving and patient. God never calls us to do His job. He may cause us to feel uneasy but we are never called to point fingers at them or demand that they change. Rather we are to love them like Christ loved us.

Today I am grateful that He never gave up on me and my prayer for those that are struggling with giving something up to follow Christ is that they would know that nothing in this world is worth holding on to if it will mean losing Him.

*This is the passage in the bible that God pointed me to on Monday morning. It was the first thought on my mind when I woke up after my conversation with my mother-in-law.

¹²I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service. ¹³Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. ¹⁴The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

¹⁵Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. ¹⁶But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. ¹⁷Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.

1 Timothy 1:12-17

Image of Mary Magdalene at Christ's feet from the movie, The Passion of Christ

The Couch

Lucas and I made it a point not to buy any furniture for our apartment until we bought our first place. We figured that if we got too comfortable renting then we would never be able to get out and make the big leap to become homeowners. We also didn't want to lug around tons of new furniture and risk getting it scratched in the move. So fast forward almost five years and the only furniture we have ever bought was our dining room set. However, that all changed this past Saturday when we purchased a couch.

You see for so long, I have been trying to live in the future. Waiting for lots of firsts with my husband that have yet to come. I realized that I wasn't fully enjoying the right now because I was so focused on tomorrow and what I thought I had to have (the house, the baby) that I neglected to live in the present. Purchasing this couch and bringing it home has showed me things I never thought were possible. For the first time in a very long time, I finally feel like our apartment is "home". I had made up my mind long ago that I would not bother spending time, putting effort or investing money purchasing furniture and decorating our place. I thought I was being strong but in reality, it was harmful. I wasted so many days not being able to enjoy my home because I refused to allow myself to enjoy the apartment God had blessed us with.

Maybe you can relate with me. Perhaps you too have lived in the future or worse, have failed to move on from the past. May I encourage you with God's word, "THIS is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." (Psalm 118:24)

Our new L couch. It's the coolest sofa bed I've ever seen.

The Plank

I am very good at finding the negative in things. I could very confidently attest to the fact that pessimism is an art form that I have mastered. Needless to say it is a destructive habit which I am earnestly trying to rid myself of. As embarrassed as I am to admit this, I know that it is something that others may also be struggling with otherwise God would not have felt the need to remind us of it through his word. And therefore, I believe the rewards of being genuine and authentic with you far outweigh concealing my flaws or the need to protect my image as a Christian, pastor's wife, or even a youth leader.

Last night I was pouring my heart out to God. I asked Him to help me change. You see I don't want to be this way any longer. Indira wants to be made new. I want to be transformed, renewed and conformed to the image of Christ. And just how does one get there? Knowing who God is and what He is capable of is a good first step.

You see it is very easy to find the "speck of dust" in someone else's eye especially if you are anything like me. I say that I am observant but the truth of the matter is that I have the tendency to be very judgmental of others. I will constantly put myself side by side to someone to see how I fair next to them and vice-versa. The problem with that is that, at times, I come out winning and other times they come out winning. But regardless of who wins, it should never be my goal to be like anyone other than Christ. He is the only one I should imitate and strive to be like.

In Matthew 7:1-5 we are exhorted to remove the plank from our own eye before we can see the speck in someone's eye. This verse speaks to me in several ways. For one, God knows that we would have the predisposition to judge others and therefore he heeds us not to judge others unless we want to be judged. I don't know about you but I certainly don't like it when others speak ill of me or point out my flaws. Yet it's so easy to cast the first stone and kill someone with our words, our looks or even our thoughts. Moreover, we can't be critical of others because we have our own deficits and weaknesses. God doesn't want our eyes to be so consumed with someone else's flaws as to make ourselves feel better about our own shortcomings that we forget where our goal is. No, he wants us to continually fix our eyes on Jesus and seek to imitate Him. Paul puts it this way in Romans 12:2 "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Finally, some of us need to heal from past wounds and forgive those that may have harmed us whether it was intentional or accidental. Once we have done that, then and only then, will we be able to view the world and others correctly. Until then our perspective of everything around us will inevitably be misconstrued and distorted from the reality. Consequently this will render us ineffective for ministry.

This is not a task that I plan to take lightly. I see the importance of eliminating myself of this mentality and I desire more than anything to be usable to the Lord. At this point I am willing to do whatever God asks of me so that I can be the woman He has destined for me to become.

Dear God,

For a perfectionist like myself, I admit that just as easy as it is to self-diagnose my problems I am just as readily able to pinpoint them in others. I realize that this is an unhealthy habit that I have cultivated for the past 30 years of my life. It has the potential to destroy relationships that I am not willing to lose because of this. I no longer wish to indulge in this lifestyle. Lord, help me to renew my thinking and align it with your word. Show me scriptures I can use to arm myself when I am feeling weak and tempted to sin with my thoughts, actions, or words against others.

Thank you for being a patient and loving God who does not scream at me to change but takes me by the hand and ever so gently whispers, "Follow me, my child. I will help you change." I love you, Lord and I truly want to be effective in your hands. Remove all that is hindering me from being a better wife, friend, daughter, sister, leader, mentor and someday mother. I earnestly believe that when I have learned how to accept everyone with their flaws and all (including myself) and stop trying to change those around me that I will not only be content but used greatly by you.

I also pray for those who are reading this and can in one way or another relate to what I have expressed. I pray that they would allow you to take them by the hand and begin the transforming work as well.

In Jesus' Name,
AMEN

Restlessness

The past couple of nights have been rough for me. I have been getting up at 1:30 am (certainly not by my own will) and it's taken me hours (at least 3 hours each night) to fall asleep again. I know that when I get up like this it is the Lord causing me to feel restless. There is something specifically that I need to be praying about and something that He needs my undivided attention for. However, I don't always react with enthusiasm to hear from God. It is actually more like annoyance and frustration on my part. I tell God, "Why? Please let me go back to sleep. We can talk later. I promise." But that isn't always so.

If God wouldn't cause this uneasiness in my soul then I probably would go on about my day with very little need to seek Him. Sure, I'd read my bible and pray but sadly my time with Him wouldn't be as productive. This morning I had a true desire to hear from Him. After all if he wants my attention this bad, it must be good. So I opened up my bible to Psalm 22 and this verse spoke to me, "Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer. Every night you hear my voice, but I find no relief."

You see for almost two years I have been asking the Lord for this one seemingly small miracle however my petition has gone unanswered. I don't think it's so much that God wants to keep me in limbo or that He doesn't want to give me the desires of my heart but rather in the midst of this wait, His objective is to draw me closer to Him. And if I am going to come out of this trial with a better relationship with my Lord then it is most definitely worth it.

Lord, you know me better than I know myself. You know how hard I try to be in control of my life, yet you have shown me that my life is not my own. It is in your hands whether I want to hand it over to you or not. I am tired of carrying this burden and no longer want to be in the driver's seat. Today I willingly chose to give it all to you. If I am honest with myself I find that a tiny part within me wants to be in charge. Would you show me how to trust in you. Would you give me the faith that I need to believe in what it is that I do not yet see.

In Jesus' Name,
AMEN

"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. "
-Hebrews 11:1

Atypical Sunday Mornings

One of my favorite parts of having a Sunday afternoon service is that on Saturday nights my hubby and I can still go on dates like we used to before he became a pastor. I know some of you reading would think, "You get to sleep in? Wow!" But quite frankly that's just an added bonus for my hubby. I'm a morning person and as soon as my eyes open up (usually never past 7 am) I am ready to begin my day.

Since our church service does not begin until 2:30 pm, I have tried different things over the course of this period to use my time wisely. One of the things I've tried recently is working out before church. I gotta tell you that it felt really awkward running on that treadmill and not sitting in a worship service rocking to "Amor Sin Condicion" on Sunday morning. But what made it even more peculiar was the fact that I wasn't alone. There were others who were there, too. Going on with their life without a hint of God. It was Sunday morning and it didn't seem that they had plans to go to church, which burdened my heart.

And why is it that my heart was troubled? They could've gone to church Saturday evening or maybe they don't do the whole church thing but still have a relationship with God. I hope it was the former and not the latter. You see, I don't believe that people are better because they attend church nor do I believe it is something we must do to get into heaven. However, what I do believe is that people that are not setting some time apart regularly to get involved with a community of believers are missing out BIG time.

You see my church IS my family. I wasn't created to do life alone. God created me to need people and to build friendships with those who would strengthen my walk with Him and those I could encourage along the way. Jesus says in Mark 3:35, "Whoever does God's will is my brother and sister and mother." Does that mean that if our family does not have a relationship with Jesus we need to excommunicate them? Absolutely not. What I interpret this to mean is that our church family, those who share the faith, are now also part of your family. We care for them as we would our own flesh and blood.

I don't pretend to have this church going concept down pat because quite frankly I don't. I struggle more than I may lead on to show with "going to church." On long weekends and teacher planning days, I would love to just pack up my bags and get away for a weekend with my husband but the truth of the matter is that it's just not something that we have the luxury of doing and probably something we will rarely ever get to do. You see my husband works 52 Sundays a year. Everything that he studies, prepares and prays for culminates on this very day, Sunday (rain or shine). And when I see my husband standing in front of the church and delivering God's word it makes it obvious why we do what we do. Any questions I may have had are instantly answered. Without a shadow of a doubt, he was made to do this and I was put in his life to stand by his side. I count this an honor and no weekend trip or get-away could or ever will take precedence over doing the will of God. Lucky for me, God has given me the entire summer off and I get to enjoy my hubby all to myself and travel then.

My friend, I don't know where you stand on your journey. I don't know what your status is. I don't even know if you believe in Christ or God for that matter. But I am here today to tell you not to waste your time. It is one of your most precious resources and as Benjamin Franklin once said, “Lost time is never found again.” Start today: Connect to a local church, discover your spiritual gifts and use them to serve Him. It's the very least you could do for Him. And trust me you won't be doing anyone a favor. Remember God doesn't need you, YOU need Him.

Will you devote the rest of your life living for Him? I promise you that there is no greater joy in life than this: Relentlessly pursuing your creator all the days of your life.

"Remember your Creator in the days of your youth. "
-Ecclesiastes 12:1 a

I am like Joseph

As part of my New Year's Resolutions this year I began reading through the bible in a year using the Discipleship Journal Plan. I am currently reading Joseph's story in the book of Genesis which I must say is an amazing book in the Old Testament and I could relate to him.

If you're not familiar with Joseph's story, here's what happened in a nutshell: Joseph was his father's favorite and so his brothers became very jealous of him. When Joseph told them their dream about his brothers bowing down to him that about did it and they decided to take him into the wild and kill him. However, they sold him into slavery instead so that they could make some money off of him (How's that for greed and envy?). But God had other plans and he eventually made his way to Potiphar's house. Potiphar's wife was attracted to Joseph and wanted to have sex with him but Joseph was loyal and knew that it was wrong and simply could not and would not sleep with her. She was enraged and humiliated so she falsely accused him of trying to have sex with her. Potiphar had him imprisoned immediately after he heard the allegations from his wife. During his imprisonment he met two of Pharaoh's hired men who needed their dreams to be interpreted and so Joseph did just that. Although one of the men promised he would tell Pharaoh, he forgot to do so and therefore Joseph remained in prison. It wasn't until two years later that Pharaoh needed his own dream interpreted and that was when the cup-bearer remembered that Joseph was able to interpret dreams. Joseph was summoned to interpret a very important dream for Pharaoh. When he did, Pharaoh himself gave him the highest position, second only to Pharaoh. During the 7 years of famine, Joseph's brothers were sent by his father to get grains which, was a source of nourishment, a basic necessity during that time for survival. Joseph recognized them immediately although they did not know it was their brother, the one they had sold into slavery. And it is at this point when Joseph comes face-to-face with his brothers that this verse appears in Genesis 41:24. "Now he turned away from them and began to weep. When he regained his composure, he spoke to them again. Then he chose Simeon from among them and had him tied up right before their eyes."

You see, Joseph had come a long way. All that his brothers meant for evil was turned around for good. God had been able to take Joseph out of Canaan and put him in a leadership position where he saved a nation. Judging by his accomplishments, he was by all means a successful man, however, that could not erase all the pain that he had experienced. If anyone could say that life was unfair, it was certainly Joseph's right. Yet, he never did. What he did do in that verse however shows me that no matter where you are, no matter how much God has been able to bless you and use your pain for good, when you have been hurt, it will always hurt. You see Joseph was no superman. The verse tells me that he the pain of what his brothers had done and put him through was very real. I can assume that he had forgiven his brothers because he gave them the grain free of charge (he returned their money in their sacks). It was not his intention to seek vengeance, but he still "wept" and needed a few moments to "regain his composure".

I can relate to this verse so well. I have suffered injustices in my life (as all of us have) yet for so long, I thought I had to suck it up. I thought that because I was a new creation in Christ, those things that had happened to me in my childhood and youth were no longer relevant. They no longer had to hurt but this verse shows me otherwise. When you have been harmed especially when it is unjust, no matter how much time has transpired, it will hurt. There is a wound.

I have not yet finished reading through the life of Joseph in Genesis but what I have read thus far has given me so much peace. I've always thought that I had to be strong but now I am sure that it is not I that needs to be strong, it is Christ through me that heals my pain and gives me the strength like he did to Joseph to "regain my composure".

I can honestly say that everything that has happened in my life, God has used for a purpose. And those things which seem unfair now, I am confident he will use them someday.

Here is my heart's prayer,

Dear Lord,

Thank you for your word. It is living and active and it has spoken to my heart. It has shown me how you took an innocent man and allowed him to live through unfair circumstances, to be falsely accused and imprisoned, yet you did not leave him there. You made him victorious and used him for your purpose. I pray that this may be true of my life. Lord, use those things you have allowed in my life for the good.

I also pray for those who are hurting and asking "Why Me?" that you would give them a peace that surpasses all understanding, that they would be able to rest in knowing that you are in control.

I thank you that one day, Lord, one day you rescued me from the miry clay. Thank you for being my savior, for being my everything. I love you!

In Jesus' Name,
AMEN

The complete story of Joseph can be found here in Genesis 37-50.

Gold Nugget - A Gentle and Quiet Spirit

I've been thinking a lot about this particular verse in the bible that calls us, women, to clothe ourselves with a gentle and quiet spirit. I'm not sure if it's difficult for me because I'm Cuban, it could even be attributed to the fact that I was raised by a strong woman herself but most likely I struggle with this because I am stubborn.

However, little by little, I have become more aware of my need to change. So many times I find myself wanting to be in the driver's seat, especially in our marriage. Since my husband is a very patient man (praise God for that) and so very laid back, I think that if I don't step up to the plate then somethings will never happen. However, God has been showing me over and over how wrong my thought patterns have been with respect to this.

When I read the following verses that are found in 1 Peter 3:3-4 "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hear and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." I find that a gentle and quiet spirit has unfading beauty. It's not something that we wash off before we go to bed but something that is constant, unchanging and never ending. More importantly it is pleasing to God.

I have been trying this out for the first time this week and have seen how great it feels to allow my husband to make decisions and even though every ounce in my being wants to get into and win a power struggle, I prefer to be right with God and do what is best for my husband and marriage. I want to help him become the leader God wants Him to be and not necessarily the leader I think he should be.

Here are a few gold nuggets I would like to share with you:

1. Make requests, never demands.

2. If you disagree in public, approach him privately. In other words, if your husband has said or done something that you do not agree with while you are in a group setting, do not confront him while others are around or immediately when the incident occurred. Allow some time to pass (this will help you think rationally and not be guided by your emotions) and then speak to him when you are alone, just the two of you.

3. Allow God to use you to form the leader in your husband that God wants Him to be and not the leader you think he should be. So many times our past experiences, father figures (or lack thereof) and media have wrongly shaped the way we view a man's role in the family. We think men need to possess certain characteristics which are completely unbiblical.

4. Although you may not agree 100% with your husband, follow him. He wants the best for you and will not intentionally lead you somewhere he does not feel safe going. Allow him to make mistakes, after all, God can use even those to teach us.

5. Pray for your husband. Pray that God will guide him and that he will be under a God given mission that will make it easy for you to submit and therefore put on the "gentle and quiet spirit".

Are there any gold nuggets that I missed? Would you share them with us?

1 Peter 3:1-6
¹Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, ²when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. ³Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. ⁴Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. ⁵For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, ⁶like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Tempted to Cheat God

While I was sitting in class last night listening to my professor go over the assignment and the incredible amount of work that was due the following Wednesday, my initial thoughts were "I'm going to have to skip youth group on Friday. I'm going to stay home and do homework."

The more I thought about it, the more I knew that I couldn't put God second to my education. He nudged my heart and ever so gently reminded me that HE belonged in first place. I was immediately taken back to many times in my life when I chose to do things the right way (with Him in the driver's seat) and I had been successful.

My question to you today is, "How many times have you been tempted to cheat God?" Maybe your temptation is not necessarily to skip a church related function. You might struggle with a relationship you value more than God or maybe you feel tempted to gossip about someone in your workplace.

Just remember that we can never really cheat God. We only cheat ourselves when we put other things before Him.

What is it that needs to take a back seat in your life to Christ?

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
-Matthew 6:33

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

When you look at me now, what do you see? I have been told many times that I am optimistic but it wasn't always this way. You see when I came to Christ (about 9 years ago) I had a lot of baggage and I do mean A LOT. There were some things that occurred during my childhood that were simply stuffed away. They were nicely tucked in (or so I thought) in a hidden compartment of my heart which no one saw. And since I didn't talk about it, I believed it had no power over me.

Boy was I wrong.

It was during the first couple of years as a new believer that the Lord began a healing process in me. It was painstakingly difficult to say the very least. I remember how angry I used to be at God. My monologue with God went a little like this, "Why did you allow that to happen to me? Where were you? It's so unfair!"

Unfortunately when the focus remained on me, all I did was fall into a deep depression (something King David knew all too well). Nothing was good, through my tainted lenses, it was all bad.

Yet I attended church (not very consistently but I was there) because deep down in the bottom of my heart, I knew that God was the only one who could help me. I distinctly remember my pastor at the time, Manny, preaching Sunday after Sunday and using what to me sounded like the biggest cliché, "God will never let your pain go to waste."

Although I was incapable of believing it at the time, today I know that he was absolutely right. I can boldly proclaim that what happened in the past had a purpose. It has helped me become the woman I am today.

My friend, if you feel like you are entering or walking in the midst of the darkness, may this be of some encouragement to you. I know it is difficult to see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel but know that it is there. Keep trusting and walking with God; He will help you make it through victoriously.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."
2 Corintians 1:3-5

Handy Woman (NOT!)

Today I spent at least 45 minutes trying to put up our new "noticeboard" from Ikea. After putting in seven holes in the wall and not being able to hang up the noticeboard, I realized that this was no ordinary job for a woman. I handed the hammer to my husband and he had that board up in no time.

So many times we complain about the opposite sex. Men exclaim in frustration, "Why is she so complicated?". While women constantly complain, "Why doesn't he get it?". I can say that today God reinforced why he made us so different. We need each other. Could I have put up that noticeboard on my own? Maybe. But it was much easier to just ask for help.

Similarly, in the body of Christ and in our local church we will find the same concept prevailing. All of us are different. Our personalities are different. Our past is different. Our experiences are different. The way we were brought up was different. Some people are natural leaders, while others are gifted communicators, yet some enjoy singing in the choir and still others enjoy playing an instrument in the worship band.

I'm so grateful that church is not something the pastor does on his own. We don't just sit back on Sunday morning listening to a 45 minute sermon while simultaneously filling-in the blanks of an outline. No, we get to do it together and I'm so glad that we do.

Each of us has the opportunity to contribute to the church by using our special abilities, talents and spiritual gifts (Read more about spiritual gifts here). Have you found yours yet? Have you begun using it in the church? What are you waiting for?

Our new Noticeboard/Prayerboard from Ikea

End of the Spear

Tonight at youth group we had a "Movie Night". We watched The End of the Spear which is the true story of five friends that moved to Ecuador to witness to a tribe known as the Waodani. The missionaries are real life heroes who risked their lives at the expense of losing their comfort, their life and their families. They were committed to the call and did whatever it took to bring the gospel to the people in Waodani who may have otherwise never had the opportunity to know Jesus.

It makes me wonder how man of us are willing to go as far as they did. How many of us are willing to lose our life for Christ? If I am honest with myself and with you for that matter, I find that I am not. Sure, I will sacrifice a little bit of my time, I will give a little bit here and a little bit there, but I can't imagine giving up my own life because in the words of Nate Saint, "they are not ready for heaven".

Isn't that what it's all about? Doesn't the bible tell us in Matthew 16:25 "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it." ? Am I losing my life for Christ?

I pray that today the Lord will show us how to be bold men and women who not only profess to know Christ, but who are willing to die to selves so that Christ can live. Paul writes in Galatians 2:20a, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me." Will you proclaim it with me?

The Present

I don't know about you but I have been discovering that I have a really hard time just enjoying the "right here and right now" moments in life. I'm constantly thinking, "What's next?" And many times I worry about things that need to get done (i.e. bills that need to get paid, assignments that need to be turned in, deadlines that need to be met, etc.). The worst part is that many times I bombard myself with "What, If" scenarios that never end up happening.

I am convinced that one of the reasons the Lord brought Lucas and I together was probably to teach me how to, in the words of The Beatles, "Let it be". I don't know why my husband is so great at this. Maybe it's because he was born in Bahia (Estado de alegria) or maybe it's because he really gets it. Whatever the reason is all I know is that I want to have that kind of peace and joy. I want to be able to embrace what the Lord has for me right now. Will you join me in enjoying the present?

"And remember that time waits for no one. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift. That's why it's called The Present!"
-Unknown

The Pastor's Wife - A Minister's Greatest Asset or Liability

So I've been hesitating about posting this particular update because quite sincerely, as a Pastor's Wife, it's kind of embarrassing for me to share this but until yesterday I had not opened my bible in over a week. Lack of time is certainly not the reason as I've been on vacation but rather I can attribute the fact that my bible has been collecting dust to a heart of rebellion on my part. I haven't quite pinpointed the reason (I'm doing that as I write) but I believe I've been angry with God.

There's no denying that those closest to me have noticed (i.e. my husband). I actually had to apologize to him because I know that I haven't exactly been the most lovable wife yet he's patiently put up with me. One of the great things about Lucas is his ability to forgive. He doesn't hold on to things, so when I say I'm sorry, he truly forgives and doesn't bring it up ever again. I really appreciate that and I wish that I could be like him in that aspect.

Now why am I angry with God? Well, I don't exactly know the answer to that but slowly I am finding some things in my heart that we are working on together to change. I'm so grateful that the Lord has never left me just as he found me (or just as I was when I first came to him) but he is constantly helping me grow as a woman, a wife, a sister, a friend, and a Pastor's Wife.

So far I can tell you that being a Pastor's Wife has been the hardest role I've ever been in. I never saw that happening in the beginning. I used to hear women complain about it and think, "How can it be so bad? It's such an honor to be a Pastor's Wife."

Now, I understand that the enemy is so slick that he has been using women to discourage men from the beginning of time starting with Adam and Eve. The serpent first deceived the woman using his power of persuasion. It didn't take him long to convince her to take a bite from the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. However, it didn't stop there, she then gave her husband a bite. Adam resented Eve for what she had done. And I think ever since then, as women we have had to make the choice of fulfilling God's purpose to be our husband's "suitable helper" or follow in Eve's footsteps and just be "that woman God put here" (Read the full story here).

I understand how important my role is to his ministry because I have the power to allow him to accomplish great things for God or to destroy him. Today, I choose to "play on his team" (that's the analogy my hubby uses) and do great things with him.

This is my prayer:

Lord, I know so many times I've been focused on the wrong things and for that I ask forgiveness. Lord, you know that there is nothing I could ever do to thank you for saving me. You have blessed me with a husband that had exactly what I was praying for when I was single. Lucas is a man that loves you more than he loves me and it is because of his love for you that he is able to love me. I pray that you would give me that some fervor; let me fall in love with you, again. Show me how I can be supportive of my husband's calling. I praise you for this day and I thank you that even when I refused to open my bible and allow you to speak to me, you still sought me out. Thank you, Lord for loving me despite my ugliness.

In Jesus' Name,
Amen