Gold Nugget - A Gentle and Quiet Spirit

I've been thinking a lot about this particular verse in the bible that calls us, women, to clothe ourselves with a gentle and quiet spirit. I'm not sure if it's difficult for me because I'm Cuban, it could even be attributed to the fact that I was raised by a strong woman herself but most likely I struggle with this because I am stubborn.

However, little by little, I have become more aware of my need to change. So many times I find myself wanting to be in the driver's seat, especially in our marriage. Since my husband is a very patient man (praise God for that) and so very laid back, I think that if I don't step up to the plate then somethings will never happen. However, God has been showing me over and over how wrong my thought patterns have been with respect to this.

When I read the following verses that are found in 1 Peter 3:3-4 "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hear and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." I find that a gentle and quiet spirit has unfading beauty. It's not something that we wash off before we go to bed but something that is constant, unchanging and never ending. More importantly it is pleasing to God.

I have been trying this out for the first time this week and have seen how great it feels to allow my husband to make decisions and even though every ounce in my being wants to get into and win a power struggle, I prefer to be right with God and do what is best for my husband and marriage. I want to help him become the leader God wants Him to be and not necessarily the leader I think he should be.

Here are a few gold nuggets I would like to share with you:

1. Make requests, never demands.

2. If you disagree in public, approach him privately. In other words, if your husband has said or done something that you do not agree with while you are in a group setting, do not confront him while others are around or immediately when the incident occurred. Allow some time to pass (this will help you think rationally and not be guided by your emotions) and then speak to him when you are alone, just the two of you.

3. Allow God to use you to form the leader in your husband that God wants Him to be and not the leader you think he should be. So many times our past experiences, father figures (or lack thereof) and media have wrongly shaped the way we view a man's role in the family. We think men need to possess certain characteristics which are completely unbiblical.

4. Although you may not agree 100% with your husband, follow him. He wants the best for you and will not intentionally lead you somewhere he does not feel safe going. Allow him to make mistakes, after all, God can use even those to teach us.

5. Pray for your husband. Pray that God will guide him and that he will be under a God given mission that will make it easy for you to submit and therefore put on the "gentle and quiet spirit".

Are there any gold nuggets that I missed? Would you share them with us?

1 Peter 3:1-6
¹Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, ²when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. ³Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. ⁴Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. ⁵For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, ⁶like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Resisting the Urge to Complain

Image courtesy of Fl00d on Flickr.

One of the ugliest things, we as wives can do, is complain to our friends (or anybody else for that matter) about our husband. If you've been married for any length of time, be it 6 months or 6 years, you know that conflict is bound to happen. You also understand that conflict in and of itself is not bad because it can have the power to draw us closer to each other when handled correctly.

I have learned in the past 3 years and almost 9 months of marriage that there are some things that my husband will do that will inevitably irritate me as there are countless things I can do to ruffle his feathers. It is at those precise moments when we can choose to be most like Christ by loving our spouse, flaws and all, whether we agree on everything or not.

So when tempted to complain about your husband, may I encourage you to zip your lips. You will have to learn how to deal with his idiosyncrasies with God and allow Him to change the way you view your husband and react when annoyed. Remember that when you speak ill of your spouse, you are leaving room for others to criticize him. Many times, it is really nothing they have done wrong, but simply, our time of the month and everything they do or don't do seems to irritate us. Be gracious and kind (Trust me that I am writing this mostly to myself).

Like the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31:12 may it be said of us, "She brings him good, not harm all the days of her life."

For my husband,

I know I've failed many times but I vow to spending the rest of my life learning how to love you by respecting you. When things hurt me rather than run to others and get them to side with me, I will turn to God in prayer. Thank you for always trying to protect me and demonstrating how to protect you in return.

I love you even when I don't show it. I love you not because I feel it but because I chose to every day of my life.

Your linda,
Indi