Marrying a Giver

In the very core of who Indira is you will find a greedy and self-centered woman. Someone who likes to give on her terms but would much rather be on the receiving end. But just what happens when a frugal person meets and marries a generous man?

My husband has no attachment to money whatsoever. It makes him happy to be able to give it away. His money, his time, his clothes. You name it. It's yours. I cannot recall the last time he told me not to spend money on myself (of course, I'm very frugal even with myself) or on others. However, when it's his turn to spend and I'm the one that has to extend a bit of grace, I am more like the spending police, keeping track of every last penny that was spent. I want to pull the brakes immediately. I am the one placing the limitations on how we spend our money and how much we can give away.

It's funny though because from the very beginning of our marriage I have seen my husband give to others. I remember pulling up to a gas station and someone just so happened to ask Lucas for money. I was inside the car but the next thing I knew, he was walking into the gasoline station to buy him something to eat. I also remember the day we were driving back home after lunch at The Cheesecake Factory and him giving away our leftovers. The only thing I kept thinking was, "Please don't give away our tiramisu cheesecake." He didn't. ;) And yet another time, I distinctly remember him giving a young married couple at church free reign to our credit card so that we could help them fill up their fridge and stock up their pantry.

It has never really stopped. Just recently it happened yet again. My husband decided to give. I didn't necessarily agree or disagree. However, I admit that I wasn't thrilled about the idea but I went with it. I allowed him to do what God had called him to do. On the following day, we received news that we would be saving some money. God touched someone else's heart to bless us.

I believe that the reason why we've been so blessed is because the man I married has never allowed me to focus on myself. He has taught me how to give with a cheerful heart. We have been blessed to bless others. I have seen God's promises come alive in our life, "A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed" (Proverbs 11:25).

Today as I am tempted to be cheap with others, God reminds me, "Share your cup of water and I will fill it up." I'm thankful that God has used my husband to teach me a thing or two about giving and I'm assured that we will never out give God.

The Way God Spoke to Me Six Years Later

I have a prayer journal, both at home and at school, where I write my prayers to God. It's like a dialogue journal in which I write to him and wait for him to respond to me be it through his word or through a nudge in my heart. I like to do this for a couple of reasons: 1.) I find that when I am writing it is easier to remain focused and 2.) I can always go back to see how the Lord has answered my prayers and worked in my heart.

This week, as I was dialoguing with God in my journal, I heard in the recess of my heart, "I make everything beautiful in my time." I recognized those words immediately and grabbed my bible and turned to the book of Ecclesiastes. Although I did not know exactly where to find the verse, it sounded very familiar to another verse that I had committed to memory, "There's a time for everything." Sure enough upon opening my bible, there it was and not only was it highlighted but it was dated, 1/16/05.

Almost instantaneously I understood why over six years ago that verse had spoken to my heart. You see when Lucas and I started dating back in December of 2004, my boyfriend quickly and subtly took God's place in my heart. Instead of worshiping my creator, I worshipped what he had created, my boyfriend. Exactly a month into our relationship, I felt God telling me, "Indy, I want you to let go of him like I asked Abraham to do with his son." And so we broke up. I was hurt, he was hurt but the decision was not mine alone. As a matter of fact until this day I kid about the fact that he dumped me. All kidding aside, back then we both understood that it was the right thing. It was during that transition that I sought the Lord out with all of my heart. I spent time fasting, in prayer, and in His word. I was broken hearted and turning to him was the only way to alleviate some of the pain. Yet I could not understand why he would give me a glimpse of what it meant to be in a relationship with a godly man and then in what felt like an instant, take it all away from me.

Obviously Lucas and I eventually did become boyfriend and girlfriend again, got engaged and are now married. God asked me to temporarily give him up. He was testing my heart and wanted to show me how a man had wrongly been put up on a pedestal. He showed me how that place was reserved for the Lord alone. It was an unforgettable lesson on keeping my priorities in order that every so often I continue to make sure I have not misaligned. God first and then all else follows.

So why is this verse still so relevant for me? How can it still speak to me six years later? Well, I have mentioned in the past that I had a strong desire to be a mother and I have also shared how for whatever reason God has asked me to wait. Although I understood it in my mind, it took my heart a while to catch up to what God had asked of me and surrender that desire completely to Him. So on that particular morning I was telling God something that quite frankly I never thought I'd say. I was being brutally honest with Him and with myself for that matter and I realized that I wasn't really ready to be a mother. I wasn't willing to sacrifice everything I have now (my time, my energy or even my resources) to put someone else before my own needs. I did not want to spend my days caring for a baby and dealing with sleepless nights. What I really wanted was to spend time on me. I wanted to enjoy my husband a little longer before the children came. I almost felt guilty for expressing what was on my heart but with an almost instant affirmation, God whispered to my heart, "I make everything beautiful in my time." Had he really spoken to my heart? I had to find that verse with my very own eyes, I had to see the evidence that it was the truth. I opened my bible and there it was in plain print highlighted and dated, "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

Wow. So after almost three years of praying and waiting for a child, I finally understood. God. Makes. Everything. Beautiful. In. HIS. Time. At that very moment, it was crystal clear before my eyes, God's timing is perfect. There is indeed a time for everything but it's not my time, it's His. However there is a second part to the verse. "He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom What God has done from beginning to end." You see the temporal things this world has to offer, even those that are good, were never meant to perfectly satisfy us. We were created and yearn for something greater that we will only obtain after death in heaven next to our creator. The Wiersbe Bible Commentary puts it this way, "God accomplishes His purposes in His time, but it will not be until we enter eternity that we will begin to comprehend His total plan." In addition to knowing that God has a time for everything and does indeed make things beautiful in His time, we also know that as noble as our dreams are, we will never get the big picture until we are walking face to face with our Lord. At that time, he will reveal to us great mysteries that we were incapable of understanding while living life on this earth.

I don't know what it is in your life that you have been waiting on God to answer. You may not understand why he is allowing you to go through this hardship, this trial. It's just not fair. Your father was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor and you are praying for him to be healed, your husband has an unhealthy addiction and you are trusting God to intervene, your children are far from the Lord and you want them to turn back to Jesus. Perhaps God is asking you to wait on Him today. He has not asked you to give up on your dreams but wants to remind you that in His time, all things are beautiful. Are you willing to surrender your future to Him? Will you surrender ALL? Rest assured that God does indeed make everything beautiful in HIS time. I guarantee that waiting on Him will be well worth it.

Our youth group visiting our former and one of the greatest Sunday school teachers we have ever had, Nidia and her hubby, Agusto with the youth group. It was during our "break-up". My husband-to-be was sitting beneath me in the black polo. =)

Restlessness

The past couple of nights have been rough for me. I have been getting up at 1:30 am (certainly not by my own will) and it's taken me hours (at least 3 hours each night) to fall asleep again. I know that when I get up like this it is the Lord causing me to feel restless. There is something specifically that I need to be praying about and something that He needs my undivided attention for. However, I don't always react with enthusiasm to hear from God. It is actually more like annoyance and frustration on my part. I tell God, "Why? Please let me go back to sleep. We can talk later. I promise." But that isn't always so.

If God wouldn't cause this uneasiness in my soul then I probably would go on about my day with very little need to seek Him. Sure, I'd read my bible and pray but sadly my time with Him wouldn't be as productive. This morning I had a true desire to hear from Him. After all if he wants my attention this bad, it must be good. So I opened up my bible to Psalm 22 and this verse spoke to me, "Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer. Every night you hear my voice, but I find no relief."

You see for almost two years I have been asking the Lord for this one seemingly small miracle however my petition has gone unanswered. I don't think it's so much that God wants to keep me in limbo or that He doesn't want to give me the desires of my heart but rather in the midst of this wait, His objective is to draw me closer to Him. And if I am going to come out of this trial with a better relationship with my Lord then it is most definitely worth it.

Lord, you know me better than I know myself. You know how hard I try to be in control of my life, yet you have shown me that my life is not my own. It is in your hands whether I want to hand it over to you or not. I am tired of carrying this burden and no longer want to be in the driver's seat. Today I willingly chose to give it all to you. If I am honest with myself I find that a tiny part within me wants to be in charge. Would you show me how to trust in you. Would you give me the faith that I need to believe in what it is that I do not yet see.

In Jesus' Name,
AMEN

"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. "
-Hebrews 11:1

Atypical Sunday Mornings

One of my favorite parts of having a Sunday afternoon service is that on Saturday nights my hubby and I can still go on dates like we used to before he became a pastor. I know some of you reading would think, "You get to sleep in? Wow!" But quite frankly that's just an added bonus for my hubby. I'm a morning person and as soon as my eyes open up (usually never past 7 am) I am ready to begin my day.

Since our church service does not begin until 2:30 pm, I have tried different things over the course of this period to use my time wisely. One of the things I've tried recently is working out before church. I gotta tell you that it felt really awkward running on that treadmill and not sitting in a worship service rocking to "Amor Sin Condicion" on Sunday morning. But what made it even more peculiar was the fact that I wasn't alone. There were others who were there, too. Going on with their life without a hint of God. It was Sunday morning and it didn't seem that they had plans to go to church, which burdened my heart.

And why is it that my heart was troubled? They could've gone to church Saturday evening or maybe they don't do the whole church thing but still have a relationship with God. I hope it was the former and not the latter. You see, I don't believe that people are better because they attend church nor do I believe it is something we must do to get into heaven. However, what I do believe is that people that are not setting some time apart regularly to get involved with a community of believers are missing out BIG time.

You see my church IS my family. I wasn't created to do life alone. God created me to need people and to build friendships with those who would strengthen my walk with Him and those I could encourage along the way. Jesus says in Mark 3:35, "Whoever does God's will is my brother and sister and mother." Does that mean that if our family does not have a relationship with Jesus we need to excommunicate them? Absolutely not. What I interpret this to mean is that our church family, those who share the faith, are now also part of your family. We care for them as we would our own flesh and blood.

I don't pretend to have this church going concept down pat because quite frankly I don't. I struggle more than I may lead on to show with "going to church." On long weekends and teacher planning days, I would love to just pack up my bags and get away for a weekend with my husband but the truth of the matter is that it's just not something that we have the luxury of doing and probably something we will rarely ever get to do. You see my husband works 52 Sundays a year. Everything that he studies, prepares and prays for culminates on this very day, Sunday (rain or shine). And when I see my husband standing in front of the church and delivering God's word it makes it obvious why we do what we do. Any questions I may have had are instantly answered. Without a shadow of a doubt, he was made to do this and I was put in his life to stand by his side. I count this an honor and no weekend trip or get-away could or ever will take precedence over doing the will of God. Lucky for me, God has given me the entire summer off and I get to enjoy my hubby all to myself and travel then.

My friend, I don't know where you stand on your journey. I don't know what your status is. I don't even know if you believe in Christ or God for that matter. But I am here today to tell you not to waste your time. It is one of your most precious resources and as Benjamin Franklin once said, “Lost time is never found again.” Start today: Connect to a local church, discover your spiritual gifts and use them to serve Him. It's the very least you could do for Him. And trust me you won't be doing anyone a favor. Remember God doesn't need you, YOU need Him.

Will you devote the rest of your life living for Him? I promise you that there is no greater joy in life than this: Relentlessly pursuing your creator all the days of your life.

"Remember your Creator in the days of your youth. "
-Ecclesiastes 12:1 a

My first three days back in the classroom

I have to say that they have been even better than I expected. They are such good kids...all of them. There are currently 17 students in my class, four of which get pulled out during Language Arts and Math so I couldn't ask for a better teaching assignment.

When I told my former Spanish teacher that I was teaching retention/ESE she told me that I wasn't going to get Spanish this year so I was a little boomed out. Just imagine being with those 17 little ones all day...no breaks only 30 minutes to heat up and gulp down my lunch, use the restroom, check my mailbox and emails, and the endless list of things teachers must do in addition to teach. Naturally, I asked myself, "How am I going to survive all year without a break?" But on the following school day guess who stops by. Yup, Señora Perez! I had not even realized that her name was listed on my schedule to assist during Math. So instead of getting Spanish 3 days a week, we get Señora Perez EVERYDAY for 45 minutes. As surprised as I was I knew that it was God's way of telling me that He was in control and He is looking out for his child.

I remember last year towards the end of the school year feeling so frustrated and thinking, "I don't know how much longer I can take of this." I wanted out of the classroom but thanks to one of our wonderful school counselors, Ms. Diaz, my students and my husband I realized that God wanted me exactly where I was. I was called to be in the classroom because I would have access to students in need of something I have and that it was the best way to make an impact in the lives of those little ones.

Who would've known that getting the class that every teacher dreads teaching would've been one of the greatest blessings for me? I can tell you that our God is a mighty God and His ways are higher than ours. And although I didn't know what He was up to, I chose to trust Him and give thanks. And now I couldn't be happier. I am not saying everything is perfect but I think that I am learning the key to contentment.

And I encourage you...whatever you are going through...give thanks. Your circumstances may not change but your perspective will. You will take the focus off of you and place it where it belongs...on God.