We concluded our women's small group this summer by wrapping up our second Beth Moore bible study. Initially when I completed the first couple of studies, I confess that I was not impressed. I was actually disappointed because in my opinion it paled in comparison to our previous study, Esther. This felt like another Christian self-help book which I was all too familiar with. However when I attended our first women's small group to discuss the week's study, God proved how wrong I had been.
I have heard people say that when God heals you, sometimes you will have moments of flashbacks that show up unexpectedly, coming out of nowhere. For the first time in my life, during this study, I experienced that. I was going about my business cleaning the kitchen floor when out of nowhere God took me back and helped me relive a childhood memory. At that very moment, I began to weep. It wasn't that it hurt me rather that I had never given myself the opportunity to mourn over that lose in my life. I also realized that there were unsuspecting people whom I had not forgiven. That very day I chose to forgive.
On our very last day, our small group leader, Paulita, asked us to sum up what we had learned. One word resoundingly stood out above all others, SANCTIFICATION. Going through this bible study, God opened up my eyes to my own sinful nature. My tendency to compare myself to others and judge them without seeing my own shortcomings, my complacency living a life of "semi-holiness" such as watching movies with less than stellar messages or overindulging in a guilty pleasure such as spending too much of my time on social networks justifying it in the name of ministry. However he didn't stop by showing me my own depravity but has given me a strong sense of loathe in which I detest those things which are displeasing to God because I have seen how destructive they are and how they hinder my walk with Him.
I am nowhere near the end of the sanctification journey but I am more aware of what God has asked of me as a Christian woman and my heart beats rapidly for this ministry (women's ministry). I do not know to what capacity the Lord can or will use me but I know that "God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong." (Corinthians 1:27) That is me.
I feel the Lord has been working in my life to begin a new women's small group for women to help restore and heal them. It is titled "Making Peace with Your Past" and I am excited about beginning and seeing God work in the lives of countless women through this bible study. I admit though that I feel a bit overwhelmed with the amount of commitment this will require from me, as well as those the Lord is going to bring. At times I question whether any of us will have that amount of maturity or self-discipline. However I am reminded that nothing is impossible for God.
If you would like to take on this challenge, please let me know. I've been praying for you.