Friday, March 11, 2011

Returning to my First Love

I am increasingly astonished at my ability to be given to any kind of addiction and I don't say that with a single ounce of pride. When I decided to go on a Facebook Fast, I knew that I desperately needed to do it but what I failed to see was that it would not solve all my problems. Little did I know that one addiction would be cured while another was slowly brewing.

While on the Facebook Fast, I dove head first into my workout regimen with the encouragement and motivation from what I now consider the greatest workout buddies on the face of the earth, The D630 Squad. Three, four, and five days a week before work, I would put on my tights, tighten my laces and head straight for the box for a much anticipated WOD (workout of the day). Slowly and subtly, the time I had previously spent with God in prayer was replaced by the sounds of my coaches, Val, Larissa and Gio pushing me to keep going and stack on more weight. After my workout, I had released so much of those little endorphins that pretty much put me on an exercise induced high all day while my need for and dependance on God slowly dissipated. Although I would read my bible and seek God out regularly, He was no longer my first love. I had managed to replace my relationship with Him with CrossFitting and my new Paleo friendly lifestyle.

These things, in and of themselves can be rather lofty goals yet they cannot and should never replace our total surrender and dependance on Christ. Exercising and eating right gave me energy and helped stabilize my moods. These things were very necessary; yet the problem remained that in my heart, God was no longer my primary focus. In my pursuit of physical fitness and health, I completely lost sight of my spiritual dependance on Jesus. The Workout of the Day had replaced my bible reading and prayer time.

This admission is pretty difficult to make considering that I am a pastor's wife. However, in this life, God has not called any of us, whether we are the pastor's wife or not, to live as passive Christians. He has called us to live a life radically surrendered to Him and His call. Does that mean that we have to give up things that we love? Absolutely not. The key is to worship the creator and not the creation.

I am at this very moment sitting in our hotel room on this spiritual retreat that God has allowed me to go on. No CrossFit, no Paleo, just me and God this morning. My heart can't help but break as I am enveloped with God's unfailing love for me. He is so patient with me. He accepts me just as I am yet never stops challenging me to grow as His daughter. Today I am returning to my first love (Revelations 2:2-5).


Ana Sofia said...

Thank you for your post. Jesus definitely used it to bless me. I would really appreciate it if you would pray for me. I am going through the multiple subject credential program and it is the hardest thing I have ever done. It has consumed my life and I just started on Feb. 7th. I desperately need the help of Jesus in every way possible. For me it is impossible, but with Jesus all things are possible.
Thanks again.

Aburtomichelle said...

awww Indi, God is awesome He will always love you he is so good he allow us to see when we are wrong so we can fix it and be the best he made us to be, you will always inspire me