Saturday, February 5, 2011

The Way God Spoke to Me Six Years Later

I have a prayer journal, both at home and at school, where I write my prayers to God. It's like a dialogue journal in which I write to him and wait for him to respond to me be it through his word or through a nudge in my heart. I like to do this for a couple of reasons: 1.) I find that when I am writing it is easier to remain focused and 2.) I can always go back to see how the Lord has answered my prayers and worked in my heart.

This week, as I was dialoguing with God in my journal, I heard in the recess of my heart, "I make everything beautiful in my time." I recognized those words immediately and grabbed my bible and turned to the book of Ecclesiastes. Although I did not know exactly where to find the verse, it sounded very familiar to another verse that I had committed to memory, "There's a time for everything." Sure enough upon opening my bible, there it was and not only was it highlighted but it was dated, 1/16/05.

Almost instantaneously I understood why over six years ago that verse had spoken to my heart. You see when Lucas and I started dating back in December of 2004, my boyfriend quickly and subtly took God's place in my heart. Instead of worshiping my creator, I worshipped what he had created, my boyfriend. Exactly a month into our relationship, I felt God telling me, "Indy, I want you to let go of him like I asked Abraham to do with his son." And so we broke up. I was hurt, he was hurt but the decision was not mine alone. As a matter of fact until this day I kid about the fact that he dumped me. All kidding aside, back then we both understood that it was the right thing. It was during that transition that I sought the Lord out with all of my heart. I spent time fasting, in prayer, and in His word. I was broken hearted and turning to him was the only way to alleviate some of the pain. Yet I could not understand why he would give me a glimpse of what it meant to be in a relationship with a godly man and then in what felt like an instant, take it all away from me.

Obviously Lucas and I eventually did become boyfriend and girlfriend again, got engaged and are now married. God asked me to temporarily give him up. He was testing my heart and wanted to show me how a man had wrongly been put up on a pedestal. He showed me how that place was reserved for the Lord alone. It was an unforgettable lesson on keeping my priorities in order that every so often I continue to make sure I have not misaligned. God first and then all else follows.

So why is this verse still so relevant for me? How can it still speak to me six years later? Well, I have mentioned in the past that I had a strong desire to be a mother and I have also shared how for whatever reason God has asked me to wait. Although I understood it in my mind, it took my heart a while to catch up to what God had asked of me and surrender that desire completely to Him. So on that particular morning I was telling God something that quite frankly I never thought I'd say. I was being brutally honest with Him and with myself for that matter and I realized that I wasn't really ready to be a mother. I wasn't willing to sacrifice everything I have now (my time, my energy or even my resources) to put someone else before my own needs. I did not want to spend my days caring for a baby and dealing with sleepless nights. What I really wanted was to spend time on me. I wanted to enjoy my husband a little longer before the children came. I almost felt guilty for expressing what was on my heart but with an almost instant affirmation, God whispered to my heart, "I make everything beautiful in my time." Had he really spoken to my heart? I had to find that verse with my very own eyes, I had to see the evidence that it was the truth. I opened my bible and there it was in plain print highlighted and dated, "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

Wow. So after almost three years of praying and waiting for a child, I finally understood. God. Makes. Everything. Beautiful. In. HIS. Time. At that very moment, it was crystal clear before my eyes, God's timing is perfect. There is indeed a time for everything but it's not my time, it's His. However there is a second part to the verse. "He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom What God has done from beginning to end." You see the temporal things this world has to offer, even those that are good, were never meant to perfectly satisfy us. We were created and yearn for something greater that we will only obtain after death in heaven next to our creator. The Wiersbe Bible Commentary puts it this way, "God accomplishes His purposes in His time, but it will not be until we enter eternity that we will begin to comprehend His total plan." In addition to knowing that God has a time for everything and does indeed make things beautiful in His time, we also know that as noble as our dreams are, we will never get the big picture until we are walking face to face with our Lord. At that time, he will reveal to us great mysteries that we were incapable of understanding while living life on this earth.

I don't know what it is in your life that you have been waiting on God to answer. You may not understand why he is allowing you to go through this hardship, this trial. It's just not fair. Your father was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor and you are praying for him to be healed, your husband has an unhealthy addiction and you are trusting God to intervene, your children are far from the Lord and you want them to turn back to Jesus. Perhaps God is asking you to wait on Him today. He has not asked you to give up on your dreams but wants to remind you that in His time, all things are beautiful. Are you willing to surrender your future to Him? Will you surrender ALL? Rest assured that God does indeed make everything beautiful in HIS time. I guarantee that waiting on Him will be well worth it.

Our youth group visiting our former and one of the greatest Sunday school teachers we have ever had, Nidia and her hubby, Agusto with the youth group. It was during our "break-up". My husband-to-be was sitting beneath me in the black polo. =)


Rute said...

So true, Indy, so true... Thank you for share your feelings with us. It blessed me so deep in my heart.

Brittany Leigh said...

You have no idea how much I needed to hear this. But (of course) God knew. :) Thanks for sharing, Indy. I'm encouraged!