Wednesday, October 8, 2008

The Real Me

My husband told me something this week that was kind of "escary" (that's the way he'd say it). He said, "Indy, you're 28 years old and probably 12 of those years have been bad days." At first, I just brushed it off in my head and said to myself, "That's not possible. 12 years? That's a long time. No way!". But I realized that he is probably right.

You see I am a perfectionist and a people pleaser (bad combination) and so if things are not going exactly as planned or as I think they should be then my day is ruined. And although I try to focus on the positive my initial reaction is not one of optimism but rather pessimism.

So little by little I've come to the realization (with my hubby's help, of course) that I have the real me (who I really am) and the ideal me (who I want to be). And sometimes the ideal me is far from the real me. However I think that it is God's goal for me to be the ideal me and the only way I can get there is by having a relationship with him...not just on Sundays but every day and every moment of the day. I need to be constantly connected to Him. I can do that by spending time with him in prayer and in His word. I think that is His goal that we are all transformed into the ideal me especially when that ideal is based on who he says we should be. And I think that's where I have the problem because good is never good enough...I can always be better. And those are expectations no one can reach except for Jesus of course because He is the only one that is perfect.

So now what? Should I just settle and say, "I'm good enough the way I am". Well, yes and no. Yes, because I need to accept that who I am is who God made me to be. His word says I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And no because I should constantly strive to be like Christ. It's called sanctification and that process doesn't end until we die. However, I have found that it is a lot easier to allow God to do the work in us rather than try to control or manipulate it by setting unrealistic expectations on ourselves and others. I mean, imagine trying to change habits you've had since childhood all at once. That can be quite overwhelming (trust me, I know) and honestly that is not part of God's plan. I think He wants us to enjoy ourselves along the way. He wants us to love and accept ourselves just the way we are. We don't have to accept our sinful attitudes such as anger, pride, and envy but we should accept us for who God made us to be and little by little allow him to do the transforming work in us.

I love the song "The Real Me" by Natalie Grant. Listen to it and allow her lyrics to penetrate into your heart.

In His love and service,

1 comment:

Ivett said...

Beautiful reflection! I can relate (must be a teacher thing, lol)... and am thankful for your words.