The Plank

I am very good at finding the negative in things. I could very confidently attest to the fact that pessimism is an art form that I have mastered. Needless to say it is a destructive habit which I am earnestly trying to rid myself of. As embarrassed as I am to admit this, I know that it is something that others may also be struggling with otherwise God would not have felt the need to remind us of it through his word. And therefore, I believe the rewards of being genuine and authentic with you far outweigh concealing my flaws or the need to protect my image as a Christian, pastor's wife, or even a youth leader.

Last night I was pouring my heart out to God. I asked Him to help me change. You see I don't want to be this way any longer. Indira wants to be made new. I want to be transformed, renewed and conformed to the image of Christ. And just how does one get there? Knowing who God is and what He is capable of is a good first step.

You see it is very easy to find the "speck of dust" in someone else's eye especially if you are anything like me. I say that I am observant but the truth of the matter is that I have the tendency to be very judgmental of others. I will constantly put myself side by side to someone to see how I fair next to them and vice-versa. The problem with that is that, at times, I come out winning and other times they come out winning. But regardless of who wins, it should never be my goal to be like anyone other than Christ. He is the only one I should imitate and strive to be like.

In Matthew 7:1-5 we are exhorted to remove the plank from our own eye before we can see the speck in someone's eye. This verse speaks to me in several ways. For one, God knows that we would have the predisposition to judge others and therefore he heeds us not to judge others unless we want to be judged. I don't know about you but I certainly don't like it when others speak ill of me or point out my flaws. Yet it's so easy to cast the first stone and kill someone with our words, our looks or even our thoughts. Moreover, we can't be critical of others because we have our own deficits and weaknesses. God doesn't want our eyes to be so consumed with someone else's flaws as to make ourselves feel better about our own shortcomings that we forget where our goal is. No, he wants us to continually fix our eyes on Jesus and seek to imitate Him. Paul puts it this way in Romans 12:2 "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Finally, some of us need to heal from past wounds and forgive those that may have harmed us whether it was intentional or accidental. Once we have done that, then and only then, will we be able to view the world and others correctly. Until then our perspective of everything around us will inevitably be misconstrued and distorted from the reality. Consequently this will render us ineffective for ministry.

This is not a task that I plan to take lightly. I see the importance of eliminating myself of this mentality and I desire more than anything to be usable to the Lord. At this point I am willing to do whatever God asks of me so that I can be the woman He has destined for me to become.

Dear God,

For a perfectionist like myself, I admit that just as easy as it is to self-diagnose my problems I am just as readily able to pinpoint them in others. I realize that this is an unhealthy habit that I have cultivated for the past 30 years of my life. It has the potential to destroy relationships that I am not willing to lose because of this. I no longer wish to indulge in this lifestyle. Lord, help me to renew my thinking and align it with your word. Show me scriptures I can use to arm myself when I am feeling weak and tempted to sin with my thoughts, actions, or words against others.

Thank you for being a patient and loving God who does not scream at me to change but takes me by the hand and ever so gently whispers, "Follow me, my child. I will help you change." I love you, Lord and I truly want to be effective in your hands. Remove all that is hindering me from being a better wife, friend, daughter, sister, leader, mentor and someday mother. I earnestly believe that when I have learned how to accept everyone with their flaws and all (including myself) and stop trying to change those around me that I will not only be content but used greatly by you.

I also pray for those who are reading this and can in one way or another relate to what I have expressed. I pray that they would allow you to take them by the hand and begin the transforming work as well.

In Jesus' Name,
AMEN

My Struggle with Modesty

The trend while I was in high school was always, "If you've got it, flaunt it." Once I became a Christian and started walking with the Lord, I realized that this was one area which I struggled with and wasn't willing to give control to God so easily. I enjoyed making a statement with my outfits and was certain that my best features needed to be accentuated and exhibited for all to see. Needless to say, I would wear mini-skirts and tops that revealed a bit too much cleavage. I was used to getting "that" type of attention from men and in my naiveté had no idea the effect it had on how others viewed me and the impure thoughts I triggered in them.

Today, even as a pastor's wife I struggle with modesty. This battle is not over and I realize that it never will be. In Ephesians 4:22-24 we are explicitly told, "You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." You see once I was saved, I didn't immediately leave my old life in the past. I carried some of my bad habits into church and subconsciously welcomed them in my new found relationship with the Lord. Every day I had to make a conscious choice to honor Him and not be enticed by my own selfish desires (i.e. the desire to look good and inadvertently call the wrong type of attention). I remember daily who I am today. I am the daughter of the living God, a woman who fears the Lord, a wife who wants to respect her husband and lead a life that would honor Him. A want to be a woman who makes a kingdom difference, bringing women to the Lord's feet and helping them find the restoration I found in Him alone.

I don't take the privilege I have of being a pastor's wife lightly. I consider it a blessing that comes with many responsibilities. And one of those is that others are looking up to me to set the example. When I look around, I see so many that are in that stage that I found myself in when I first came to Christ. They are struggling with letting go of their own desires to please the Lord. My empathy for them allows me to be patient as others were with me.

One of my favorite verses is found in 1 Corinthians 10:23-24 and it says, "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive. ²Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others. I try to measure my choices in life be it a very simple decision such as the movie I watch or the t.v. show I tune in to to the bigger decisions, who will I allow into my inner circle of friends. Believe it or not, honoring God starts with the little things. If I can't be faithful to Him with the little, I cannot be trusted with the big things.

I don't know where your struggle is. Perhaps it is your lack of faith or maybe you are involved in a relationship you know God does not approve of. May I encourage you to be honest with yourself and with God. Is there anything in your heart that needs to be turned over to him today? I don't see a better time to come before His presence with a broken heart in complete surrender than on this beautiful resurrection Sunday. Remember that He conquered the grave for you and me.

Busyness

Do you know how sometimes when you open the word of God there is that one verse that seems to jump out at you? Last week as I shared with Lucas something that I was struggling with. Immediately after telling him I opened up my bible and there it was in James 5:16, "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

You see, I lead a very busy lifestyle. Working a full-time job, attending graduate school and serving in my church's youth group are only a few of my responsibilities. As if that weren't enough many times I take on more than I can handle. Scheduling coffee dates with friends, booking back-to-back appointments that leave little room for reflection.

These things which I do in and of them self are not necessarily bad things however they can become a trap, taking precedence over my time spent with the Lord. I feel that if I am reaching out, ministering and helping to meet the needs of others then surely I am doing something for Christ. However, all of these things demand that I myself spend more time with the Lord. From the overflow of my time spent with him is where I will be able to give to my friends, family and co-workers. Otherwise, I am simply starving myself to feed them.

In a society that is constantly telling us to maximize our time, the only way I see fit of accomplishing this is by choosing what is better. Today I choose Jesus.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"

"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
-Luke 10: 38-42

If you are struggling with this, may I recommend this excellent book.